Changes, changes, changes

Remember my last blog where I said I was gonna start blogging regularly again?

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Yeah- uh, sorry bout that!

There's been a lot of stuff going on, of course still adjusting to the new kid in town. His sleep schedule is finally starting to make sense, and last night he slept for 9 hours straight!! I didn't, since I'm so used to waking a couple of times a night to feed him, but it was nice to know that he can actually make it that long without eating!! We go Monday for his two month checkup and shots. I'm praying that the time change this weekend and shots don't mess with his schedule too much!

And as much as I don't really want to write this part, I have to say that I turned in my homeschooling hat last week. At least for a season. Lady M started public school on Monday because with a new baby, a preschooler and a 9 year old, lessons were getting a little long and she was becoming quite defiant. Her grades were dropping, so after praying a LOT, I realized it was time to put her back into what she calls "real school."

I went to the school to fill out the paperwork a couple of weeks ago, then scheduled a time for Lady M and I to go and meet with the teacher. Lady M is in 4th grade this year, but she was placed in a 4th/5th grade combination class. The teacher seemed great, stern enough to keep the kids in line, but also witty, so as not to come across as the "mean" teacher in school.

Monday was hard!! I had already planned that Miss Priss would spend the night with my mom since Lady M wanted me to walk her to class. Miss Priss does not like to get up, get ready, and go anywhere very early. So it was me, Lady M and Little Man, driving up to the school, walking in, registering for a visitor's pass, and taking that LOOOOOOOONG walk to Lady M's class. Ok, so it wasn't that long, but since I was about to leave my 9 year old in the hands of strangers again, it seemed like a death march to me. Lady M got to her class and stopped outside the room. She pointed and said, "There's my class." A few seconds later we walked in. She was greeted by her assistant teacher, Mr. Garner, with an outstretched hand. I looked at Lady M. Her head was down, arms tightly crossed, then finally her hand went out to shake Mr. Garner's. My mind was already thinking it was going to be a horrible day for her when I saw her stance. She marched to her seat without saying anything to me. So... I took the hint and left. I had parked the van on the street, and when I got in, it took me at least 15 minutes to leave. My mind was running a mile a minute, wondering if it would be okay for me to just stay there all day in case Lady M needed me. She could just grab up her things, bolt for the door, and come running outside to the van, and we'd make a fast getaway.... or if any creepy looking weirdos approached the front doors of the school, I would be the first to dial 911 and get to my kid before something bad happened.... but then I realized that I have a new baby in the backseat that was NOT going to stay in the van all day with me. I started to drive away.

About halfway home (it's only 3-4 minutes to the school from our house), I stopped at a stop sign and thought, 'I could just turn around and go get her!'. But I remembered that I had prayed about this and there was no reason why I couldn't trust God to take care of her, even if she only went to "real school" for a day. I made it to my driveway, pulled in, and then the waterworks started. At least I made it home before I lost it!!

I sat in my driveway for 15 more minutes, thinking about Lady M, what was she doing right now? Was she making friends? Was I going to be called to the school to pick up my child because she was such an emotional wreck? Would she still love me since I sent her to that horrible place? Was there a kid with a gun in her class?  The questions kept coming....

I finally realized that I could not sit and dwell on these things all day long. So I went to Kohl's for retail therapy (not really, I had to exchange a couple of dresses for Miss Priss). By the time I got home, I looked at the clock. 11:30. It was almost time for Lady M to go to lunch. She'd made it half the day. I'd not been called to come pick her up. There had not been anything on the radio about a crazed kid at large after running away from her school, or police being called to the school to handle a "situation". She must be doing okay...

When it was time for me to go pick her up, I sat in the line of cars forEVER!! I think every muscle in my body was tense because I was so sore on Tuesday. I finally made it up to the front of the school, and looked for my daughter to be slumped over and red faced from crying.... but she was standing there, waving, HUGE smile on her face!!

She got in the van, and I asked how her day went.

"GREAT!! I already have 2 new best friends and 2 boys in my class have a crush on me. The girl that sits beside me is one of my kindergarten teachers' granddaughters! Remember her? We got free ice cream today! And lunch was delicious, I wanna buy my lunch every day! We learned about...."

She survived!! It was okay!! I left my kid in the place that I had sworn for years I wouldn't send her back to, and she survived!! Not only that, she loved it! As we were driving away, I started to relax. I could do this. It was okay that she was going to school, "real school". I don't have to hate myself for not being able to be the best homeschool teacher right now. We can do this, even if it's just for 9 weeks. Or one month. Or 2 weeks. Or even the rest of the school year (gulp!). However long she needs to be there, I know now that she will be okay. God will be with her, whether she's here with me or at school with kids and teachers and cafeteria workers and custodians...and potentially even creepy looking weirdos. God will be there too. And I have to trust that HE is in charge, in control, and that whatever happens, if it's His Will, it will be what's best for her.

I think I learned more than Lady M this week ....