What matters most

 

This is the first time I've ever participated in Elizabeth's meme, but today I'm gonna write my lil heart out. Elizabeth's question today is:

Have you ever lost something...

And came out a winner?

My answer : a big loud resounding YES!!
I could list probably no less than a million things here, but who has time to read or write that?

Before I became pregnant with Lady M, I was living life like I was invincible. I was an alcoholic and drug user, and was completely set on a road that I should have never set even one foot on.

At eighteen, I graduated high school with honors, was headed to college with a music scholarship and had been accepted into the music program at UNC-G as a performance major, which was not an easy task. The summer between HS and college, I went on a missions trip with my youth group to West Palm Beach, FL, where, believe it or not, there is a huge problem with poverty and homelessness. We worked for a week with inner city kids, one of whom was determined they were going home with me, and I felt like my life had a purpose. For whatever reason, when I came home, something inside me shut down. I had been struggling with what doctors had diagnosed as a "panic disorder", which in hindsight was more likely the beginning of my brain tumor journey. I'd been put on medicines, but nothing was helping. I'd have spells where my vision would blur then go black, my hearing would be gone, and I'd pass out. Apparently while I was out, I'd hyperventilate, then stop breathing. It happened all through my senior year in hs (embarrassing), and then followed me to college. That same summer, I was working at Kmart and a friend had told me that if I smoked a cigarette, it would help with the "spells". So, me, the girl who HATED smoke and cigarettes, tried it. I felt a little desperate to get something to help with the "panic attacks". For whaever reason, it worked.

Maybe that's why I started questioning everything I'd ever believed.

Within a month, I was drinking more alcohol than anything else, had tried my first joint and LSD (not on purpose, someone spiked my drink ). Over the next 3 years, I experimented with much more, but nothing that I thought would be something I couldn't control. I quit college after almost 2 years, and started working full time and partying anytime I was off work. My drinking problem had grown into something bigger than I'd ever imagined. I was going to my friend's house every night with a large bottle of cheap vodka and orange juice and drinking the night away with screwdrivers. The fact that I looked older than my age was not a blessing at the time, but I sure thought I was getting away with something. I had more "real" friends at the time than I'd ever had in my life. I was cool, accepted, and desired. I thought I was having the time of my life, until one night when I'd had a lot to drink, and popped a few too many pills...

Frankly, I don't remember a whole lot about the night I got pregnant. I know that I was out with what I thought was one of my best friends for his birthday. We'd been close for years, and he seemed like such a valiant kind of guy to me. We barhopped to several places, before coming back to his house. What happened after that is fuzzy, but the end result was 2 pink lines.

When I found out I was pregnant, my world turned upside down. I got "morning sickness" before I'd ever missed a period. A coworker at the time asked me if I was pregnant, and I hadn't really even considered it. When I took a test and got a positive, it was all I could do not to just lose it. But I convinced myself it wasn't real. 6 positive pregnancy tests later, I couldn't deny it any more. The biggest issue was that I was still technically living with my parents, althought most nights I spent elsewhere. I was raised in a strict Christian home, which I see now as such a blessing, but at time time I was petrified of how my parents would react.  I couldn't tell them.

Finally, when I was almost 8 weeks pregnant, and had become so dehydrated that I could barely walk, I broke down.

"I'm pregnant. I'm sorry, I'll move out and get food stamps and Section 8 housing or live in a homeless shelter or whatever, I'm sorry".

My parents loved me regardless. Over the next week and a half, I was admitted to the hospital for "hyperemisis gravidarum". My blood pressure was 83/38 when I was admitted. I was in horrible shape, but at least I'd managed to quit drinking and everything else. After leaving the hospital 5 days later fully re-hydrated, I had to make a tough decision: I could not go back to any of the friends I'd had before. I'd lost touch with pretty much everyone from high school, and had no friends anywhere else, so it was just me, my siblings and my parents, working through all of this mess. I ended up losing my job, and drawing unemployment for my entire pregnancy.  But it all worked out, and I received the best gift a girl could ever ask for: Lady M.

So all of that to say this....

I thought I was living a great life. I could get any guy, I was envied by other girls, everyone wanted me as their friend... but when I gave up that lifestyle, I gained so much more than I could ever have imagined. I became a mother.

January Resolutions

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I've never really done them, because I would like to believe that I see a problem and start working on a change at the first sign. Here lately, it seems as though my problems are getting a bit more overwhelming. With that said, I'm going to do MONTHYLY resolutions. I think baby steps are the way to go. After all, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So here are my goals for January 2010.

• Say no to sodas!! - I've battled my addiction to carbonated beverages for years, and when I was pregnant with Lady M, I not only gave them up, I gave up CAFFEINE all together. Since I'm struggling so much with making that scale number go down even the slightest, I'm taking one little step at a time to change my habits.  
• Watch less TV.  I never used to have that problem, but we had gone without cable or satellite TV for two and a half years. In November, I crunched the numbers and realized that we could get cable, phone and faster internet for the same price as what I had been paying for phone and internet. So I gave in and signed up. Now I find myself constantly stuck on Channels 55 and 61 (HGTV and Style- but only when Clean House is on). I'm telling you what, TV is addictive!!
• Blog about more interesting things!! Sometimes I read back over my own blogs and say, what was I thinking when I wrote that??? I used to write some really neat, funny or thought provoking stuff, but to read my more recent stuff, you'd think my brain had fallen out!! I'm gonna give it my best at trying to be a little more enticing...
• Be more active. That one can be tough considering I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy number 6 for me. My hormones are making me so tired all the time, and it's all I can do to get out of bed some mornings, but like it or not, I need to be in better shape!! Up until my last pregnancy, I was walking every day for a few miles, but it was late summer and my allergies were making me asthmatic, so I quit. And even after I miscarried, I didn't start walking again... I have NO excuse!! So I will try to start out small, and either get a treadmill, or pick a warmer day to walk starting this coming week.
• Be more diligent about growing my faith. I have such a desire to deepen my relationship with God through Christ, but sometimes, I get so busy with the silly stuff that I let my quiet time diminish into something more like 30 seconds of the day. No wonder I find myself with all this stinkin' thinkin'. I have to manage my time more wisely for the important things!!
• Stop the clutter! Boss and I have spent the last few days doing a HUGE cleaning of our house. We have more house than we need, and sometimes those extra spaces get filled full of that junk you meant to haul off 2 years ago, but just didn't get around to it. As of 2 hours ago, we've gotten rid of 12 lawn & leaf bags full of clothes, toys, and other stuff to donate to charity, 2 chairs, one Gazelle exerciser, one queen poster headboard & footboard, a kids snoopy table and chairs, a doll house, a Barbie mall, 3 porcelain tea sets, a sewing machine, a rocking recliner and footstool, a train table, a dollhouse bookshelf, and approximately 56289347489 little giblets of toys in our bonus room. So I already have a great start to this month's goals!!
• Comment on more blogs!! This one is HUGE for me. I read a LOT of blogs, but sometimes I think I've left comments for people, and I just didn't. I know a lot of my blogger friends probably think I never stop in to read their stuff, but I do! It's just that I can be easily called away from this screento take a toddler to the potty, or answer a question about long division, or make a juice cup, or break up a quarrel... you get the point. But I am going to do better! My goal is at least 3 blog comments a day.
• Send out at least 3 cards this month. I buy greeting cards. I buy them a LOT. I have boxes and boxes of cards (organized neatly at least) that I buy when I am in a mood and need some cheering up. When I find funny cards, whether they're birthday, get well, whatever, I get them. The problem is, I forget to mail them. I will buy cards with specific people in mind, but I totally forget to put them in the mail. So I'm going to make myself get better at snail mail correspondence.
• Make a remodeling plan. My husband and I bought our house right when we were married, and we jumped at the first opportunity for a good deal. We ended up getting a 4 bdrm/3 full bath house with a kitchen, living room, den, laundry room and bonus room on 2 acres. It was a foreclosure, and such a bargain. But we moved in in April of 2005, both working full time, and I had major surgery in June 2005, and all our plans to paint and redecorate and update,etc, fell by the wayside. Now we are finally getting to a place where we can look at things and realistically say, let's start doing this or that. I hate debt, and we will NOT take out loans for anything, so this will take very careful planning... starting with the den and living rooms....
• Spend more "alone time" with my kids individually. I love spending time with my kids. Miss Priss gets individual time with Mommy while Lady M is at gymnastics, but Lady M pretty much never has one on one time with me. Since we homeschool, Miss Priss is here, and Lady M is here, and I am here almost all the time. If I go somewhere, I take the kids with me. If I need to get something done on my own, I usually call my mom or my mother in law to watch both of the girls. It's just easier. I need to work on carving out some special time for Lady M and I to be able to do things together without Miss Priss though, so we can keep our relationship in good standing. After all, she's 8 going on 18!!

There you have it. I'm adding this to my navigation bar up there under the header, and I'm going to mark my progress as I go by editing this blog. Then I'll post new goals for February. I'm not giving myself a specific number of goals each month, since some will be more intense than others. My number one priority at this point is to try to carry this baby FULL TERM!! That would be the best goal to achieve all year!

Reflecting, and looking ahead!

Today is the time we reflect on the year that ends tonight, and see what was good and bad, maybe what to change in the new year. Miss Priss is two now, and will be three in just a few more months She is getting funnier and funnier everyday, learning new things, and trying her best to communicate her points to me. She makes me laugh, but can be so solemn and serious all the while. Potty training is still eluding us, although she will use the potty when she is naked She has gone from sleeping in a crib at the beginning of the year, to a toddler bed, then to a full size bed, and now sleeping on the floor (which is not the direction we would like her to be moving in, but at least she is getting some sleep!!). Lady M has reached the great age of 8, which is unbelievable! How is it that time has just gotten away from me so quickly?? She has become my right arm in the house, always taking on big time chores just to help me, which is such a blessing. She is a great big sister, at least most of the time. But BOY can these girls fight!! To be so sweet and loving, they sure know how to throw down.... and even though Lady M is older, she usually is the one coming away hurt. She is also usually the instigator... but I digress...


As for me, I feel like I started the year off with a big BANG, and the rest has been at sort of a stand-still. I dont know that I have grown much, which is a big disappointment, but I also know that God is still at work in my life... thankfully! We said goodbye to yet another baby this year, and are ending the year with a BIG surprise that I just found out Im pregnant again!! I dont usually jump at the chance to share this with the world so early (about 5 weeks), but I think I need to enjoy the pregnancy as much as I can, since I have no promise that I will hold the little one in my womb. So pray with me as we face the new year and the possibility of a new baby!!!


I'm gonna work on a few "resolutions" for the new year, which I usually NEVER even think of doing, but it's okay, because a New Year means everything can be NEW again!!


Be safe tonight, whatever you do....and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Don't wanna...

I didn't post a 25 days post for yesterday, and I don't think I'm gonna do one today. I just don't wanna...

I also don't wanna ...
~ make a lemon pound cake that I said I would make, even though I wanna eat it
~ think about the Christmas program that we HAVEN'T EVEN PRACTICED for next SUNDAY.
~ believe that Christmas is less than two weeks away, and I haven't wrapped any of the presents for the kiddos
~ know that my Christmas cards are still sitting right here in front of me
~ believe that my Dad's-side-of-the-family Christmas party was cancelled tonight for who knows what reason
~ believe that my Daddy is actually turning 68 today
~ wash 429885 loads of laundry that appeared overnight in my hampers (does Santa make us wash elves clothes in exchange for gifts for our kids???)
~ think about my MRI scheduled for next Friday, although I'm sure everything's fine
~ get dressed in real clothes today... after all my brown fuzzy pants and 738 year old Umbro sweatshrit are totally stylin' and comfy...

Hoping I'll catch a little more motivation in the coming hours...

Yuck, yuck and more yuck

*Disclaimer: if you have a weak stomach, you may want to stop reading now*

This is the first day I've felt like I could free myself from the toilet long enough to actually write something that is not a meme. Oh my goodness, I had no idea that this Metformin that I was put on for PCOS would make me have such bowel issues!! I feel so stinkin nauseous all the time, and I know my body is trying to used to the medication for diabetes when I'm not diabetic. But I'm so tired of the side effects. I can't take anti- nausea medicine without blocking out at least a good 6 hours to faceplant into a pillow and wake up in a groggy pool of drool. Now, being that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, is not that time. I gotta make tiramisu  (by request) for one of the Thanksgiving dinners I'm going to, and I am seriously trying to excuse my way out of the other one, because I know I'll be feeling sick the whole time I'm there anyway.

And then there's the unexpected sudden urges to go #2 all night long. Yesterday I was at Walmart, and I was SO tempted to buy some adult diapers to put on at bedtime because I do not like waking at 2:30 am and having to RUN to the bathroom. I'm so afraid I'm not going to make it. I'm beginning to wonder if having another baby is worth this, considering how sick I get with every pregnancy anyway... this can't be a good way to get healthy so we can try for baby #3 (or pregnancy #6). But I know babies are very much worth it.... in the long run.

BUT... the good news is that my doctor told me the side effects should go away after about 2 weeks. So I have another week and I should hopefully  be back to normal. I'm hoping that "hopefully" will become reality, like, right now!!

Possibly the best day ever....

I realize I haven't blogged in 3 days, and I'm SO very sorry to anyone who is trying to read but finding nothing new... it's been so crazy! Since Miss Priss was sick all last week, the weekend and this week will be lived in double time to make up for what was cancelled or rescheduled last week. BUT let me just give a quick shout out to GOD because HE IS SO AWESOME!!

I started my day out wonderfully. I had a 10:30 appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist this morning, so we were up and moving to get the girls to mom's house by 9. On the way to Mom's, I was listening to our local Christian station (WBFJ) and they had a contest to win a family four pack of tickets to WinterFest 2010 at Liberty University. Now, I do NOT usually bother calling in to try to win anything, simply because I'm too nervous. I have phone-a-phobia (which is a word I just made up)- I hate calling people. The only person I EVER call is my mom, and very few other people only on a have-to basis. So it was very strange of me to suddenly decide to try to win the contest.

I dialed the number, and the phone rang.... and rang.... and rang.... I didn't think anyone was ever going to answer after it rang through almost an entire song. But finally, one of the deejays, Darrin, answered. And I got to play the game.

And I won!!

So that started my day of fantabulously. I dropped the girls off and headed to Dr. Yalcinkaya's office. I got there early, which just never happens for me, so I had to time to peruse magazines (which I love to do). So, after a bit of a wait, I was called back. And I finally have a diagnosis that probably caused my mulitple miscarriages.... PCOS. Yep, I kinda thought that may have been it when I started swelling up like a tick and other much more nasty things. THANKFULLY, I have the rare and mild form of PCOS, where I actually over-ovulate. My doctor said my ovaries look like that of a 25 year old (which is good since I'm 30). So, with a prescription in my hand, he said that I can get busy trying to get pregnant next month. WOO-HOO!! I am so very excited :)

And finally, I went by the mall just to window shop. And get a white chocolate mocha. So in my walking and gazing, I was harrassed first by the peope who insist that they have to give you a dead sea salt hand treatment. But since I was in a good mood, I obliged. Of course, after my nails were shined, I walked away without buying anything.

I didn't see the next one coming though.

A few kiosks farther down, I was approached by a young woman who wanted to show me the products she was selling (flat irons). She sat me down on a stool and proceeded to tell me in her thick accent about the awesome flat irons, how they smooth and work to make your hair look amazing without damaging or burning the hair... Also, they could be used to curl the hair as well (which she made me try on my own..... and I'm no good at it... ). I had no intention of buying one.

Until the best thing happened.

She said, "I'm not supposed to do this, but I really want to sell you this, and this promotion ended last month, but I'll sell you this for half price, and since you're a STUDENT..... "....

I don't know what she said after that, something about more discounts, but I was so flabbergasted that she apparently thought I was a college student, that I, with my full heart, bought that $79 flat iron and will use it everyday.  I did not DARE to correct her and tell her I'm a 30 year old mother of 2, and that it had been YEARS since I took a college class.

Everytime I heat it up and start working on my hair, I will look in the mirror and say, "Oh, girl, you look good, what year are you? Oh, me? I'm a junior, working on my business degree...."

Okay, I won't talk to myself, but you can bet it made my day.

Now, please do not leave me a comment telling me that I am a sucker, and that the sweet young woman knew that I needed to hear that to buy her product.

So there's my daily wrap up. I have every intention of participating in the Music Monday meme today, but I have to go pick up my girls from my mom's house.... And I'll be thanking God all the way for such an awesomely wonderful perfect day.

True Story Tuesday

Hopefully I won't be too long winded today, since we have a field trip this morning to SciWorks...

Let me start by saying that I'm clumsy.

No, I mean, REALLY clumsy.

As in, I could trip and fall in a completely and totally empty room. Without even moving my feet.

All I have to do is think about being clumsy, and... OW! How did that happen?

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in this very same seat, at this very same computer desk, and I heard the most atrocious screams and wails coming from my living room. The screams and wails were preceded by loud voices of one eight year old girl and one two year old girl. I didn't get involved. There's really no point anymore, they have to figure out how to get along on their own.

The screams were coming from Miss Priss (the aforementioned two year old), and the wails were coming from Lady M.  They intensified and, at this point, to not get involved may mean I would be charged with child endangerment. I mean, who knows? Maybe a snake crawled out of the ceiling (like it did at my brother's house, another story for another day) and was strangling Lady M to death while Miss Priss watched, scared and helpless.

SUPER MOM TO THE RESCUE!!

I jumped from my chair, turned to run in the direction of the living room, and stepped right into the top of this.

Yep, Miss Priss had been just minutes earlier playing with this Barbie VW beetle. How my size nine and a half foot fit into the opening on the top of the car is still unknown.

(My foot, beside the barbie car)

I skated, then slammed into the coffee table. ricocheting between it and the loveseat in my den, somehow mananging to twist and fall down in between the two.

Here is my battle wound today.

I'll leave the superhero work to Superman from now on.

Oh- and in case you were wondering what the screaming was all about, Lady M was sitting on the love seat and Miss Priss didn't want her there... it wasn't a snake or monster or anything. I guess I'll know better next time.

A day in the life of a not-so-Proverbs-31 woman

For the last few months, I've been going to a bible study at the home of my pastor and his wife on Thursday mornings. Ginger (the PW) has been doing a study on being a Proverbs 31 woman.

Can I just say, I am SOOOO not there yet?

I feel like every week I have a giant red glowing sign around my neck with the full bells and whistles that says, "I am not a good wife, I am not a good mom, I am not a good anything, I am here to be mocked and scorned."

Now, that's not to say that my lovely friend Ginger is doing or saying anything that should make me feel this way. Nor are any of the other sweet lil ladies that are in attendance.

I know it's just me and my own issues with being a stay at home mom.

The Proverbs 31 woman seems to me to be such an unattainable goal. I know, Beth Moore can do it. (Love you Beth!) But I'm telling ya what, it's truly a struggle for me to get out of bed somedays. For instance. our bible study was moved to Wednesday this week. So I got up bright and early, got the girls dressed and ready, then headed to Ginger's house. We left our house at  8:40, and arrived there around 9. The girls ran downstairs to play with the other kids while me and the other mamas stayed upstairs to study a new verse.
During our 30-45 minutes picking apart verse 17 to learn about how disciplined the P31 woman is, and how she gets up before the sunrise and goes to sleep after sundown and works in the fields and encourages her husband and praises her children and makes sure everything is in order and feeds her servants and buys fields with the money she makes from weaving whatever it was she wove and is a good steward of her money----  my kids came upstairs 7259 bazillion times. Another kid or 2 came up once or twice, but I spent the majority of the study as I have spent the others, running up and down stairs, trying to figure out what Miss Priss wants, or why she's screaming at her sister, etc, etc. This week I even dressed for exercise in my brown velvety pants and jacket with my good walking shoes. I knew how the morning would play out.

After we left Ginger's house, we went to the park. I had to kill a few minutes before it was time to take Boss lunch at work. We'd decided on Jersey Mikes, and there isn't one even remotely close to his work, so I had to stay in High Point. Lady M asked me 6 times in the 7 minute trip to the park, "aren't we supposed to be going to Jersey Mikes?", "Aren't we taking Dad lunch?", "Isn't Jersey Mike's that way?" "Why are we going this way? Aren't we supposed to take Dad lunch from Jersey Mike's??"

{There may be a small pile of my hair on the passenger's seat from the yanking and throwing that followed the questioning. I can neither confirm nor deny whether I actually have a new bald spot}

As we pulled into the park, I calmly stated, "Lady M, we have a little bit of time to kill between bible study and lunch, so I didn't want to drive home, then all the way back up here to go all the way back down to Asheboro to take lunch to Boss, so I thought this would be a nice way spend it."

We get to the playground and it is a mulchy muddy mess. Both of the girls have on boots, white long sleeve tees and jeans. By the time we left about thirty minutes later, we had wet nasty everything.

The park was a bad idea.

Miss Priss was screaming and crying, not ready to leave and not liking her wet mulchy clothes, and I was already a nervous wreck from feeling like a failure while reading Prov 31. We then went to Jersey Mikes, and when it came time to pay the woman behind the register asked, "Anything else for you?"

"Yes, if you have a few more arms and hands, that would be great," was my response.

She turned around and grabbed a giant box for me to put all of our food and drinks in. At least she somewhat got it.

We trucked down to Asheboro, where we had to eat in the van because of the Attack of Nasty Sugar Hungry Yellow Jackets. Needless to say our lovely lunch didn't last too long because no one likes to be stuck in a van that long.

After lunch, we kissed Boss goodbye, sent him back to work. I had to go by the Flowers bread store to get 200 hot dog buns for our church's Trunk or Treat on Saturday night. I left the girls in the van because I knew they would terrorize me with the treats in the bakery store. 17 bags of buns later, I'm back in the van, finally heading home.

As soon as I get in the door, my phone is ringing. It's my dear husband's sweet grandmother.

"Do you know where R is?" she asked.

{R is my father in law, not writing his whole name so people don't associate me with him. I mean, um, so I don't slander him with anything I write}

"No, I just drove by their house, his trucks were home, so I assume he is there."

Grandma: "Well, he was supposed to pick me up at 10 am and I've been trying to call him all morning but he isn't answering."  {It was almost 3 pm}

Me: "Hmm, well, I can try to call him for you if you want. "

Grandma: "That would be nice."

So I started calling, and calling and calling. My father in law does not believe in answering services or caller ID, even though he runs a garage from his home. So the phone rang, and rang and rang. I tried the garage phone, no answer there either.

I decided something bad may have happened because surely no son in his right mind would leave his 80+ year old mom at home without telling her why he couldn't come get her.

I went to his house {exactly one mile from my own}and banged on the door. No answer. I rang the doorbell. No answer. After trying to get some kind of response for 10 minutes, I was in the van AGAIN and on the phone to my hubby.

Boss of course thinks it's no big deal. He promises to keep trying to call him.

So I called Grandma back, and had no answer for her. She was so worried that something was wrong.

Twenty minutes later my phone rang. It was R, my father in law. His excuse was that a "customer came by this morning and I had to go look at his car."

I held my tongue, but my mind was yelling and screaming at him for being so insensitive to his precious mom.

I still had to make brownies, repair a halloween costume, make some documents for my sunday school teacher to go over when I got to church that night, take phone calls from my music minister to see if I've adequately recovered enough from pleurisy to sing tonight, get the girls ready for church, take a shower so I would be decent...

And this is just an example of a regular day in my life.

When do I have time to work willing with my hands, or choose fields, or bring food from afar, much less cleam my house, cook for my family, make sure the laundry is washed and ready to be worn, etc etc? And did you notice there was NO school lesson that took place?

So I have come to this conclusion...

I may not be a Proverbs 31 woman. I can't possibly juggle all of the things she juggled so perfectly. I may not have the most nutritious meal on my table every night, and my daugher may have to do her school lessons on her own somedays. My home decor may look a little less like Better Homes & Gardens, and a little more like a Toys'R Us catalog erupted on the floor, but I am still doing what I can to serve others. And in  doing so, I am serving God. Wednesday may not have been the best example of a clean heart in my serving, but I fully intend on asking the Holy Spirit to work on that.

Here's to my weekend of painting a giant piece of cardboard to look like an aquarium, going to Winston to see my brother, baking cookies, getting more stuff ready for the big kickoff to our sunday school November to Remember, dressing up Sarah Palin and my Tarheel cheerleader (who was a tarheel cheerleader 2 years ago but who's counting?), decorating the church for the Trunk or Treat, helping to set up the Sunday School bulletin board, making breakfast for the sunday school class, etc. I'm hoping I can have clean hands and a pure heart through it all.

True Story Tuesday

In May 2003, I was diagnosed with a left sphenoid wing meningioma. I underwent a 13 hour surgery to remove as much of the grapefruit size tumor as the neurosurgeon was comfortable with. I was in and out of the hospital in 5 days.

That's not the best part of the story though, just a little background info necessary to understand the rest.

About a week or so after I was sent home, I was getting out of bed one morning, when all of a sudden, my right leg decided not to hold me up. I stayed on the floor for a little while, then tried to get up again, only to fall again. So since it was early morning, and I was still living with my mom and dad, I tried to quietly work my way into the kitchen. For breakfast. I guess I was just too hungry to panic over my leg.

After fumbling around trying to get some cereal, my mom finally woke up. She asked what was going on, and I explained that my right leg wouldn't bear weight. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but she insisted I call the hospital and my neurosurgeon immediately. They recommended I come to the ER (which was about an hour and a half from our house).

So my mom races to the ER, taking only about an hour to get there this time, and we made our way into the place to check in. This ER was not like the local ones, where you put your name in at the desk, tell them what was wrong and wait for forty years. This one was surprisingly effecient. I made it into the waiting area without much commotion, although they didn't offer to help my mom get me in and seated at this point, despite having a dead weight leg.

After about 10 minutes, we were called back into a series of cubicles. The first one took my stats, listened to my heart, asked what was going on and slapped a bunch of bracelets on me. One of them was orange. (Remember that, it's important for the end of the story)

So I was placed into a room, or at least a side of a room. There was a curtain between me and another bed. Shortly after I arrived, there was girl brought in that was SCREAMING and moaning and making more noise than I ever thought one human could make. After a while, my mom got curious and peeked around the curtain to see what all the fuss was about. A caucasian young woman was on the bed with a very large black man lying on top of her. The color of their skin doesn't matter, except you have to know it was a strange sight because the girl was tiny, and the man was HUGE. And he was completely on top of her.
(We later found out she was there for a migraine headache....??? )

After about an hour, an orderly came in to start an IV and get some blood to test. He was also a very large man, probably 400 or more lbs, at about 5'11". He got his little tray full of vial and needles, and started trying to get some blood out of my already completely bruised arms (I do not have good veins). He tried here, and he tried there, sweating profusely, until my bed was soaked with his sweat (yes I was grossed out too).

Now comes the good part....

He was trying to make small talk, I guess to mask the fact that he was completely unsuccessful at drawing blood.

Orderly :  "So, what are you in for?"

Me: "Oh, I had brain surgery about a week ago, and my leg decided not to work this morning when I got out of bed."

Orderly:  "No, I mean, what are you in for?"

Me:  " Well.... I called my neurosurgeon after my leg wouldn't work and he said I should come to the ER to see if I had developed a clot."

Orderly: (who was by this point much more aggressive with the poking and the not getting blood and the sweating) :    "No, I mean, you've got an orange bracelet on, so what are you in jail for?"

Me:   "What? IN JAIL? I'm not in jail...."

Orderly:  "Well, if you have this orange bracelet on it means you are an inmate." (He's looking at me a little suspiciously)

Me:  "But I'm not an inmate. I had brain surgery last week because of a tumor, and so I guess this was a side effect.  I don't know why they gave me an orange bracelet, really....I'm not an inmate."

The orderly looked over at the door and nodded.

Orderly: "Oh yeah, I guess you aren't, since there isn't an officer standing at the door. Plus, usually they have you cuffed to the bed."

Yep, apparently, they weren't quite as efficient as I thought to begin with. I was labeled a convict by the check in folks, and after two other people trying to draw blood, 87 pokes into my sking, 8 hours of whistling "la la la la, la la la la, elmo's world" as I watched people in hospital gowns going back and forth to the restroom right outside my door, and the place being locked down because of gunshots in the parking lot (which I later heard from a security officer that there was no trigger on the gun????), I was finally taken back for an ultrasound. And there was no reason why my leg didn't work.

A few days later, my leg returned to normal.

And a few weeks later, I got the bill, with the diagnosis that I didn't get in the hospital.

Dx: Lethargy. (look it up if you need to, it's not why I was at the ER)

Needless to say, I have not recommended that ER to anyone.

AUGGGHHHH!!!!

I am FURIOUS!!! The Bible says not to let the sun go down on your anger, so I'm letting it out before I get ready for bed...

In case you haven't read any of my previous blogs, we recently had our debit card number stolen, and had some fraudulent charges on our checking account. We went to the bank, filled out the forms, the money was put back in our account. Then, on Saturday, we got a letter saying the money was put back just until the charges are investigated. If it appears they are legit, the money will be taken back out, and if it is indeed determined to be fraudulent, the money stays. I know for a fact it's fraudulent, I have no need to purchase Symantec software three times from Digital River, which is what the charges appear to be.

I was okay with all of this, a little frustrated, but not too concerned.
We had applied for new debit cards, which were supposed to arrive in 7-10 days. So I started looking for them on Monday, as it was a week after we reported and requested new cards. No cards.

Tuesday, no cards.

Just got home from church, and checked the mail on the way in. Hooray, my debit card is here (no more writing checks to "cash"!!). So anyway, I opened the envelope, and tried to activate the card. The automated system asked for my social security number. I entered it.

"The card number **************** and your social security number do not match"

I tried my husband's SSN, since this bank has failed to ever enter my SSN on any of our accounts.

"The card number **************** and your social security number do not match"

I tried my number one last time.

"The card has been blocked. Too many attempts to activate with incorrect social security numbers".

8D <---- (that's my sarcastic smile.)

Tomorrow morning, I will be moving all of our money to our other checking account.

I feel better now.

True Story Tuesday

My very first True Story Tuesday!!!

Ok, this one will be short...

in fact it will be a repeat of something I posted last week...

except I did it again today.

Yep, I made coffee, and DIDN'T put the pot/carafe under the basket. AGAIN. Not on purpose either. AGAIN I had to clean up coffee ALL over my counter, sink, etc. AGAIN!!!!

Here's the proof:

Proof!! from Mama Bee Bescher on Vimeo.

Here is the moral of the story: A wise woman learns from others' mistakes, a smart woman learns from her own mistakes, and I'm just stupid.

I know...

I need to settle on ONE background... but I think I'm gonna redo it all again this week, header and everything. You'll just have to come back to see...

Today we went around the world and back... what's that? That's impossible in one day, you say? Oh, you must not have the magical powers I do...

Lady M, Miss Priss and I took a day to celebrate our friend Jonathan's fourth birthday with his mommy Casey. We went to the Children's Museum, but were only there for a little more than an hour since I forgot they close at 12 on Mondays. OOPS!! So we went to Wendy's for lunch, then shopping at the best store ever, Targe' (pronounced with the 'g' as a 'zh' and an accent on the 'e') , or what normal people call Target. After that we went to the bowling alley because Casey said Jonathan loves to bowl, but really, SHE loves to bowl. Two games, with me coming in dead last, behind Lady M and Jonathan, even though the bumper guards were up. I never claimed to be a good bowler.

So, we were supposed to field trip to the zoo tomorrow, but we will have to double up on school lessons since we didn't get home until 5 something. We won't be zoo tripping tomorrow. Maybe next week, we'll see!

Tomorrow, if I have time, I might start doing what one of my newer blog friends, Tara ,  does on Tuesdays, what she calls "True Story Tuesday". They're always a good read, and I have a TON of things I could write about.

For those of us who like to pinch our pennies until they squeal... check out my friend Erin's blog about SAVING MONEY at Don't Pay Full Price!! You have to see how much money she saved at CVS, it will make you want to know her secret!! Dave Ramsey would be proud...

OH-one last plug, my friend Jessica does a Tasty Tuesday blog on Tuesdays that usually has a recipe for something yummy!

Ca-RAZY

That's what I would call today, maybe the whole week.

This morning, I slept late because the girls slept late :). It was wonderful. Lady M begged for pancakes for breakfast. So I started my pot of coffee, then got the batter mixed together. I walked away from the kitchen for a few minutes. I came back to check on the heat of the skillet and my coffee, only to find that I didn't put the coffee pot back in it's place. My counter top was COVERED in coffee, under the toaster and coffee maker, behind the coffee maker, ALL around my sink. Good start to the morning.

I started the pancakes, and threw a towel on the counter after moving EVERYTHING to soak up the coffee. The first two pancakes seemed okay, except I was a little heavy handed on the oil in the skillet, so they looked more like fried bread than pancakes. I poured in the batter for the next set of cakes, and moved back to the coffee mess. After going through four dishtowels and tons of paper towels, I got the mess under control. Checked the pancakes, a little darker than perfect, but still edible. I flipped them over.

When I placed the pot back where it belonged, there was still enough coffee stuck in the filter basket to run into the pot. "Great," I thought, "maybe I'll get some caffeine after all."  When I poured a cup, there were so many grounds in the coffee, I got a great idea. "I'll just pour it into another cup through a filter." I know!! I am that dumb. Of course,it was a basket filter, which doesn't fit in or over a standard coffee cup. All of the coffee poured in and through the filter and right back onto the counter. Mess #2.

Went back to the pancakes. BURNT. But you knew that already I'm sure. So I'm scraping the skillet, and debating whether to finish cooking the rest of the batter. My mom called about that time, and I told her everything that was going on. She laughed and said it must be almost that time of month. I reminded her that I'm always this klutzy and it's nothing to do with hormones.

While on the phone, I decided to try again with the filter and the coffee. Don't ask me why. This time I switched from a basket filter to a cone filter. And it worked! At least I thought it did, until I realized I poured the coffee in too fast and the filter just tore at the very bottom.  Full of black floaters.

I doctored the coffee and attempted to drink it anyway.

After I hung up with Mama, I puffed myself up, strapped on the boots again, and decided that I would not be defeated today! I finished making the pancakes and only had to throw out four more, and made a whole new pot of coffee. And this time I remembered to put the pot under the basket.

Add this to several trips to Boss's work, the bank, and various stores, church four nights this week, a visit to the reproductive endocrinologist, a birthday cake fiasco, and three females with severe congestion all in the same house...

So, here it is, two o'clock. I have to go to the grocery store, and the library. To all of those on the roads I take or the places I go today, I am not fit to be awake, much less out in public. If I happen to run into your vehicle, or drop something that breaks into a million pieces at the store, or somehow manage to upend a bookcase today, don't say I didn't warn you.

Weekend woes...

I pay all of my bills online. My reason is simple, I never put anything in my mailbox. Right now, in my little wicker tray thingy on my counter, I have probably five envelopes ready to go in the mail, that have been there for at least a week and a half. For whatever reason, I never actually remember to put them in the mail. I could get up from this seat right now, and by the time I plodded to the kitchen, I would be headed to the fridge for a snack instead of to put the mail in the box.

Anyway, this weekend may be the one thing to get me to using the good ole postal service again. My father in law called me on Saturday and said that someone from our bank called his house looking for us. We have never lived with my father in law, and we keep our number unlisted. Of course, he gave them our number. They never called us.

My father in law did call me to tell me this, so of course, my suspicions were raised. So I tried to get online to my bank account, but the site was "under maintenance", so I couldn't log on. I live about four minutes from a bank branch, so I decided to go check our account balances at the ATM. When I tried to use the ATM, I got a "transaction denied". I tried again, same thing.

BIG SMILES!! or not...

So, after the website was back up on Sunday, I checked our account, and yes, there were three charges, all to the same merchant, all for the same amount, taken out of our account. And since we bank with a small local bank (because Dave Ramsey says to), we couldn't get hold of a live person until this morning.

Turns out, the nice folks at VISA placed a block on our card, and thankfully, no more charges were allowed.
The question is, will we be able to recover the $430 + we lost??

Word of advice... never purchase software online. Don't even download trial software, no matter who says it's safe. Apparently this is a vendor for lots of software products, and someone is stealing under their name, Digital River. I think I may be hanging up my online bill pay boots for a while anyway...

So I'm off to the bank, filing disputes, getting our card officially shut off, and requesting new cards... fuuuuun.

50 things....

I've been racking my brain as to how to "revamp" this blog, after all, I am a "stay at home" mom, and have nothing better to do than to watch soap operas, drink cocktails, and get mani/pedi/facials every day....

And if you believe that, you clearly have NEVER been a stay at home mom, and know nothing about me, read on... :)

I've considered sticking to the cute things the kids say, or homeschool stuff, or going the foodie or frugal route, but frankly, I'm not that specialized in anything. Sometimes I'll post a funny thing from the kids, sometimes I'll post something I'm thinking about, sometimes it's a God thing, sometimes a rant. My blog is about my life, and that includes EVERYTHING I love. So...

I think I'll just start off with a good ol' list....

1. I am a married 29+1 year old mother.
2.  My birthday is May 7, which is apparently a very common birthday. I’ve always met tons of people who have the same birthday as me. I think it should be a day for celebration all over the world, maybe call it International Birthday Day and have free cake and ice cream everywhere.
3. I think I'm gonna Benjamin Button the next 10 years, then start forward again, then backwards, you get the point. I've got no problem with getting older, since I'm never gonna make it to 31 anyway :)
4. I have the best parents in the world. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Not just my parents but my whole family. It's indisputable.
5. I am from an unconventional family, because my parents never divorced, my mom stayed home with the kids, we never moved, and there were seven of us all together. Oh, and none of the kids were born before 1970, which really adds to the obscurity.
6. I am the middle of five kids- the oldest girl, third in the pecking order, with two older brothers, a younger brother and a baby sister.
7.  I have lived in the same county, in the same state my whole life. In fact, I live exactly ten miles from my parent’s house, the same one I grew up in.
8.  People think I look exactly like everyone in my family. I don’t think that’s possible. I have been called a twin to every one of my siblings, from my 36 year old brother to my 23 year old sister.
9. I have more cousins that you do, probably anyway.
10. I hated school, even though my grades were great. I thought everyone was too dramatic and fake, then I figured out how to be just like that, but decided it wasn’t for me.
11. You will hear me refer to the years 1997-2000 as my prodigal years. That's exactly what they were. That's why my first daughter's name is Lady M. She is purely a gift.
12. My husband and I went our first date to Walmart. That’s when I knew he was the one… LOL!!
13. We met and married within 7 months. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
14. I had never lived on my own before marriage. That's a big shocker, considering how messy my life was at one time, and how independent people seem to think I am.
15. I have been married to my wonderful husband, Boss, for four and a half years. He is my amazing better half, and my second love...
16. ...because God is my first love. He's my one never changing Constant, and my source of strength in everything. Without Him, I would not know love.
17. I have two of the most awesome daughters in the world, Lady M, who is eight going on sixteen, and Miss Priss, who is two and half, and doing the Benjamin Button thing herself.
18. This one actually belongs closer to the top, but it just didn’t seem to fit well there. I HOMESCHOOL my kids, even though most days I consider putting Lady M back in public school.
19. I love to sing, which you will know if you are around me for long. I don't claim to be a good singer, but it doesn't stop me :)
20. I play piano. I went to college at UNC-G for 2 years as a music performance major in piano. (then I quit because they insisted I think of myself as a diva). Most people DON'T know that I play piano, because it's just something I don't get as much of a chance to do anymore.
21. I think I’m changing all the time, but I realize I’m not changing nearly as much as I’d like to be in the spiritual sense.
22. I am a fan of all things Carolina- the Panthers, the Tarheels, the Hurricanes. My husband bought me tickets to a Panthers game for our first Christmas together, and he proposed to me there. :)
23. I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. Sometimes I can't live without it, and other times, it tastes like a bitter cup of dirt no matter how much sugar, cream and flavor I put in.
24. I would love to scrapbook, but cannot rationalize the cost of all of the materials in my mind, much less find time to do it. Maybe when I retire...
25. I LOVE to do crafts!! This is probably the reason I would like to scrapbook. I crochet, but cannot knit, paint horribly but like to do it, make origami things even though most of the time I don’t have nice corners. I cross-stitch and embroider, and one of my most favorite stores in the world is HOBBY LOBBY!!
26. Another of my most favorite stores is Garden Ridge, but Lowes Hardware and Home Depot are almost tied with it
27. I am horrible at decorating. I can design bedrooms for kids that look like belong in a magazine, but I stink at living spaces, like living rooms, dens and kitchens.
28. The only seasons I decorate for are fall and Christmas. Everything else is just my regular stuff, but my living room and kitchen are pretty much fall colors anyway .
29. I am the kind of person who is always looking for a way to join in and help, sometimes to the point of being annoying... sorry!!
30. I love organization, but I'm horrible at it.
31. I am blessed to be able to do what I do, even though to some people, I seem to do nothing :) Good thing I don't find my worth in other's opinions…
32. I was diagnosed in 2003 with a left sphenoid wing meningioma… take a few minutes and google it.
33. My skull has been cracked open and my brain fiddled with twice since the diagnosis, by the chief of neurosurgery at Duke University Medical Center.
34. After I had Miss Priss, I had radiation on that same thing, since it would render me a “Helen Keller” if they took out the entire meningioma.
35. I have no central vision in my left eye.
36. My memory is like a fish.
37. The only other thing that’s a little messed up because of the brain stuff is my verbiage. I tangle up my words when I’m stressed or nervous. It would be troublesome if I held a job, but it’s quite amusing in general conversation.
38. After the first brain surgery, I had big problems with depth perception. In hindsight, it was hilarious. It took me about seven tries to open a fridge door without grabbing air or bashing my knuckles :)
39. I’ve learned to adapt, and be THANKFUL for life.
40. God has made it clear to me what His plan for my life is, in a sense, but apparently, there’s still some things that have to be done in me before He opens those doors.
41. I have no best friend. I haven’t really had one since I was in school. Sorry if you read this and think you’re my best friend. Think about it, when was the last time we talked on the phone? What was the last important secret I shared with you? See, you aren’t my best friend. Jesus, my mom and my husband are the closest people I’ve got, and really, that’s more than enough.
42. As a kid, I was afraid of everything, then as a prodigal, I don’t think I was afraid of anything (maybe getting caught?), and now, it’s sort of a mix. I have some irrational fears, but the best thing is that I know they are irrational. So it’s not so bad…
43. I am one of the “worship leaders” at my campus, at my church.
44. I have attended the same church since I was 2 weeks old, but it’s now a campus of a bigger church, and I LOVE how God is working in it all. (We’re better together!)
45. I have always been a picky eater, but I’m finding ways of fooling myself into eating things I used to hate, and discovering that they aren’t so bad!
46. I hope to be the best wife, mother, and daughter of God that I can be while I’m living in my tent of a body.
47. My tent is much larger now than it was 15, 10, even 2 years ago. Working on that though...
48. I have been pregnant 5 times, 4 times since 2006, 3 of those babies are now in heaven, and I cannot wait until I get to hold them for the first time. I have to be all the more thankful for the 2 God has blessed me with. I still want a little boy.
49. I am quirky, loud, and tend to speak without thinking, but I’m a work in progress.
50. My life is an adventure, every day holding something new, not always perfect, but always fun :)

If you want to know anything else, please feel free to ask. You can email me at Mama Bee@Made-in-secret.com. I look forward to your comments or emails :)

refreshment

i've been struggling for a while with some things in my life. i read back to my blogs around this time or so last year, and i'm longing for the closeness that i had with God then. it seems i've settled in a desert, and frankly, i don't think i've made much of an attempt to get out of it. the summer was a great time of joy for me, as i saw parts of my life flourishing as they never had. but even in that joy, there lingered a sadness, something deep and ... unknown, really. i think it's an accumulation of things that have just piled up over time, and instead of looking them in the face and dealing with them, i've just decided that being "busy" would distract me from such things. the truth of the matter is that i've dug myself into a hole, and pushed away a lot of people in the meantime. it's been necessary to sort of become "isolated" if you will, so that i could get to this point of desperation...

now i'm at the point where something HAS to give... and i feel God is drawing me back to that place of sitting at His feet and resting in Him. i know it's His desire that we remain there, but i think i started running when He started trying to peel away layers that i wasn't quite ready to deal with. now i see that it will be painful, but since He is my Healer, it will be much better on the other side of this, whatever it is. it can't be any more painful that bottling and holding on to things...

so here's to a new beginning, a something "new", if you will, in my life... i do covet prayers of anyone happening by this blog, as i am ever and always in need of them :)

It's been somewhere around a month since I posted anything here... trying not to stay on the computer so much...

Let's see...

We've been out of school for a little more than a month now (PRAISE GOD!) Towards the end of our lessons I was thinking about possibly putting Lady M back in public school (like I think every year), but I went ahead and purchased curriculum for next year. We're gonna use Heart of Dakota's "Bigger Hearts for His Glory", and it looks VERY cool from what I've seen. I'm refusing to even begin planning lessons, etc until after VBS in August. I definitely need a summer break too!!

Boss has been working like CRAZY at his job, 80+ hours a week for the last three or four weeks, so he's VERY tired! He met with some of the "bosses" on Monday and told them he's gonna have to start getting at least one day a week off. He took Tuesday off this week (we went to the zoo), and it was his first day off in somewhere like 20 days! It's nuts! We've planned our vacation for the last weekend in July so he'll definitely be getting a much needed rest then, if only he'll turn off his cell!! His birthday is that week too, and I've planned a little weekend getaway for just the two of us, should be FUN!

This was week number 2 of trying to get myself back in shape. Last week I walked 2 days (I know, not that great), but this week, my sisters in law joined me and we walked EVERY DAY (monday thru friday). I can already tell that my energy level is much higher. Now if only I could kick my sweet tooth... baby steps!!

We've also started trying to potty train Miss Priss this week. WHAT AN ADVENTURE! Lady M was potty trained at 17 months, because she wanted to use the "big girl potty". She basically did it herself. NOT IVY! She's definitely not like her sister, she really enjoys being the BABY. We've really talked up this week, and made promises to put her in a "big girl bed" when she can start going to the potty. She's got this strange idea that she can't pee unless she's wearing something on her butt, i.e., diaper, pullup, panties, whatever. If she's bottom covered, she can pee. But once she's naked, she HOLDS it. I started the week with the go-to-the-potty-every-15-minutes technique, but that is NOT gonna work for Miss Priss. Up until this week, she screamed any time you tried to get her to sit on the potty. She's conquered that this week, since we moved her potty to a corner in the kitchen (it's not really that gross since she's not peed in it yet :) ). She doesn't like being in the bathroom and missing out on the action in the kitchen and living room. Anyway, this should be one crazy ride!! At this very moment, she's running around naked, two sippy cups full of fluid in her bladder, and I'm just waiting for the geyser to blow.

Last night, my sister and I went to see "My Sister's Keeper". It's a tear jerker! Very good movie, but VERY sad. I'm not giving anything away in that, it's obvious from the previews that it's an emotional movie. Anyway, I didn't get home til close to 2 am (for all you singles and young'uns, that's LATE) because we sat at her place and talked and talked and talked some more. It's so good to have the best family in the WORLD!!

Anyway, that's the general idea of what I've been up to. Staying away from this computer desk has been a goal that I've done fairly well to acheive this week. Hopefully I can keep making the changes that need to be made in my life. Maybe I'll try to write again next weekend :) We'll see...

30

I turned the big 3-0 last week, and since turning thirty I have:

~ Finished crocheting the afghan/blanket I've been working on since winter

~ Used a power saw

~ Made a "homemade" trellis and a "homemade" birdfeeder with the girls for Mother's day gifts for my mom...

~ Cooked NO meals, but I did make lemon bars

~ Had WAY too many sweet things (thanks to my sister's birthday cake and the YLC meeting!!)

~ Spent much more money than I should have, but on good things :)

~ Eaten at my most favorite restaurant in the whole wide world

~ Decided to join a gym (but haven't actually gone to sign up yet)

~ Had a fabulous 8th Mother's Day...

Hoping that 30 will prove to hold more new adventures, grow me in maturity in Christ, bring me closer to that purpose God's placed in my heart...

Today has been more of a day of rest for me than I've had in a while... holidays are always hectic, but I'm still basking in the glow of all last week held. Tuesday the girls and I went to Hanes Mall for the free John Waller concert... it was AMAZING! He sang a song called "Our God Reigns Here" and I could feel Jesus cleaning that place up all thru that song... talk about warfare!! Go listen to the song on his myspace page, www.myspace.com/johnwaller.

Thursday I was at LJVM Coliseum for about seven hours, volunteering for the Chris Tomlin/Israel Houghton concert. Reminder to self: never take new routes to places you aren't that familiar with. I ended up talking to Bonnie from WBFJ to direct me how to get away from wherever I was and to the Coliseum. Turns out, I didn't have to do anything once I got there, but still got to see the show for free, which was fabulous!! I've never heard much of Israel Houghton's music (at least being performed by him), but he has such a talent in singing and songwriting.... and of course, Chris Tomlin's talent goes without saying... it was a night of worship much more than it was a concert.

Friday was busy busy busy, took Miss Priss to Mom's house, Lady M to her LIFE classes, then went to lunch with Brandy, doctor's office for some meds (sinus infection), shopping for Easter baskets, then back to pick up Lady M, Miss Priss, and HOME. I was home for about an hour before my sister came to pick me up for a girl's night out, which was fun, but probably not nearly as much fun as it would have been had we both gotten more rest earlier in the week!! Whoever said that being a "stay-at-home mom" was easy???

Saturday we had 2 Easter egg hunts to go to, and Miss Priss had a meltdown midway thru the second one. We politely ran for the van and took off to Carter Brothers for an early supper, then home to get the girls ready for bed... I ended up taking an hour long bath (which I never take time for baths, I'm much more of a shower kind of girl), but I pulled out every indulgent bath thing I could find, lighting candles, soaking until the water got cool, then turned on the jets to warm it up a bit again, listening to my Kari Jobe CD and just resting... oh, it was SOOOOO nice.... I need to make myself do that more often!!

Then of course yesterday was RESURRECTION DAY!! PRAISE THE LORD, HE IS RISEN!! Too bad I forgot to clean up my camera memory card, or I'd have some pics.... I had to be at church at 8 (we didn't bother trying to get to the sunrise service) for practice, then we had breakfast at 9, and an awesome service at 10:30. I have to say that I asked for prayer last Tuesday for something very specific, and God is so very much at work in that very place right now, I saw His Hand moving yesterday, and I can't help but give Him the glory and thank Him again for His matchless grace and mercy. I'm still so in awe of who He is and how much He adores us. It's more than my mind can ever grasp....

Anyway, this week's already filling up with activities and fun stuff, so let's hope I don't forget to stop and pay attention to God's voice and where He's leading... I pray I never become so busy that I ignore Him... He's all I could ever want!

Sorry!

It's been a few WEEKS since I posted anything, it's just been so busy!! But that's an excuse almost anyone could use nowadays and I shouldn't be excused for it :)

Things have settled down a little since my last post, no more scary things, except for a random GIANT dog appearing in my yard and deciding to stay before we ever so lovingly had him removed. Updates:

- CT scan indeed showed that I have an aneurysm, but it hasn't changed in almost 5 years, which I consider a PRAISE!! and of course, the meningioma is still the same, also a PRAISE!!!

- No more creepy people hanging out on our property, and no cops...

- and last but not least, we still have to pay backtaxes. It's really kind of crooked, because I'm being required to pay double taxes on one amount of money, which was for social security disability, and that makes NO sense... but regardless, we're gonna do the right thing and get it paid. NOTE for anyone who is disabled in the future, if you have long term disability insurance, you will HAVE to pay taxes on it, regardless of whether you have to pay it back or not, and you will HAVE to pay taxes on the full amount of social security backpayment you get also, despite the fact that you are paying back every penny you get from SSD to your long term disability carrier. FUN TIMES!! Thank God HE is faithful to provide for our needs, regardless of our IRS or job situation.

So here's my latest concern. It's not really a new thing, more like an everpresent trouble, but I need feedback. My 2 year old little lady does not eat. Really and truly. She will eat almost NOTHING. It's not about being a picky eater, because usually about 2 times a month she will eat almost anything put in front of her. But the other 26-29 days of the month, she will eat little to nothing. For example, today she has had 10 goldfish crackers and about 1 adult size bite of spaghetti. And that's all. Yesterday, she had probably the same thing. She will eat about a quarter to half of a banana most days, and that's about it. Now, there is one exception, as she will eat cake, cookies, candy or anything else that is full of sugar and not much else at ANY TIME. I finally broke down this week and bought pediasure, which I have done a couple of times before, but not in a long time.

I know, a lot of parents say their kids don't eat. And I know she'll be okay, because she drinks a couple of cups of milk a day and at least one cup of V8 Vfusion juice (just for some good nutrients). My problems lies in the fact that her attitude is absolutely unbearable because I think she's starving and just WON'T eat. Her pediatrician didn't seem overly concerned at her 2 year checkup, but I did see him make a note to watch this in her chart. So, what do you do when your kid doesn't eat, ever? Some days she truly eats nothing, only drinks (and not too much then either). I've tried limiting her fluids, but she doesn't even get the recommended amounts of fluid per day. So what do you do to make a kid eat????

Anybody who reads this and has ANY idea of what to do, feel free to respond!!!