Apparently I'm making satan mad. He's doing everything in his measly little power to try to hit me in my weak spots. Where to begin?! Let's see...
December- I had a follow up MRI at Duke, where I was told that the brain tumor has not changed any, which is GREAT news. Then, the following week, I got an email, stating that the record was available online. So, out of curiosity, I checked it out. It confirmed that there had been no change in the tumor, but did bring up something that was initially brought up in an MRI in July 2004. At that time, it appeared then that I developed an aneurysm as a result of either the surgery or the tumor. Regardless, I was sent for a CTA, and after many many many phone calls and some nasty responses by his office staff, I finally got a response by the PA that it is "not an aneurysm, but a bulbous dilatation in the artery". Here is where you stop and go look up the definition of an aneurysm. Go ahead, I'll wait....Yep, sounds like the definition of an aneurysm to me too... So I continued to pester them until I got a letter from the neurosurgeon saying, and I quote, "I have reviewed your CTA. It is not an aneurysm. This is good news." Now, back to December... when reviewing my records, I see that the radiologist's impression notes state the following:
"Aneurysmal dilatation of the supraclinoid left internal carotid artery
flow void. These findings correlated with those described on the prior
written report from a CTA dated 7/28/2004. Recommend further evaluation
with followup CTA of the circle of Willis to assess this abnormality for
And of course, none of this was brought up in my appointment, and there is no note on record that my doctor recommended a CTA. So, I became my own health management coordinator and decided to find me a primary care doctor that could review all of this and see what she says... and long story made a little less long, today, I had the follow up CTA in High Point instead of Duke. Hopefully, they will be able to see something and let me know if this is something that needs treatment or not. Regardless, I have seen how satan was trying to trip me up, sneaking in his little arrows about "what happens if..." and "I'm worried that...", and I've been holding up my shield, wearing my helmet, and those tiny little arrows have been bouncing right back at him and his little friends. I serve Jehovah Rapha, the Lord that Heals, and he is the Great Physician. If I have a physical affliction, He will heal me in His perfect time, even if that means in physical death. But I have NO fear or worry in that. Psalms 121 says, "I will lift my eyes unto the hills? From whence cometh my help? MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD, THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH!!". Score one for GOD!
Last week, I noticed when talking on the phone to friends of mine, it sounded as though there was someone else on the line. We've been having a static-y line for a while, so I didn't think much about it, just added it to my list of "things to deal with". So as I was talking to one friend, they suggested maybe my phone was being tapped, jokingly of course. To which I replied, "well, that would be illegal, because to tap a phone, one has to voice that they are indeed recording, or there must be an audible beep." And that was the end of that... until the next day when I was on the phone again, and there were 3 very loud, very audible beeps on my phone... so I'm not sure who's tapping my phone or why, but it became obvious then.
Jump ahead a couple of days to Friday night, when I was in the shower. As soon as I got out, my husband, Boss, asked me if I saw the police lights thru the bathroom window. No I didn't see them. He said he'd gone out to his truck for something and there was a police car in the driveway up to the cell tower bordering our property, and there was an officer and another man looking thru the woods with flashlights for something. Of course, Boss didn't ask any questions, but was clearly a little unsettled by this. Apparently they left before I got out of the shower....
The very next day, Saturday, Lady M was outside playing, when she came running in, scared. She said there was a man and what looked like a young teenage boy standing in the woods beside our driveway, looking for something and whispering. I told her not to go back outside. And of course, since I was the only one home with the girls, I just locked the doors and stayed inside. I probably should have called the police or something, but God's been keeping me from getting scared (which is my normal knee jerk response to the slightest weird thing... THANKS GOD!!). Anyway, nothing else has transpired, but because I know that I have been so very petrified at times before of even being alone in my house (part of a hyper vigilant thing, from brain surgery stuff), I also know that satan knows this. And he thought he could get me with that.... here's what I have to say to him in response.... "For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND". Score two for God...
Because of the brain stuff, I now am a stay at home mom. My former employer recommended that I file for Social Security disability following the 2nd brain surgery. Thankfully, I also had short and long term disability insurance. So I filed for SSD, while getting paid thru disability insurance. During this time, I was advised by our friendly accountant that because this is a paid for insurance, I did not have to file taxes on it. And last year, I was approved for SSD, which meant I received a lump sum backpayment, which I in turn paid back directly to the disability insurance carrier. And I thought all that hassle was over, until I checked my mail today.... where I received a notice from the IRS that we owe $XXXX amount of money to the IRS because of income that was received and never filed in 2007. I will admit, my heart jumped a little and skipped a beat when I saw this, but then I realized it was just another poor attempt to tear me down.... there are so many more things I could list as example here, but these are freshest on my mind right now...
So here's the deal. I'm gonna be blunt with you satan. you have tried over and over again to tear me down, but God will not give you power over me, and thru Him I will not back down. You may knock the wind out of me, slap me and spit in my face, but MY GOD WINS!!! I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THRU CHRIST JESUS WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!! WITH GOD WE WILL GAIN THE VICTORY, AND HE WILL TRAMPLE DOWN OUR ENEMIES!! HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD!!! in case you didn't catch that, in the end, WE WIN!!!