Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday- A Collision of Fear and Faith

I was working on a post yesterday that was scheduled to go out this morning, but I never finished it. Now I think I know why....

It's Thoughtful Thursday again, and today I'm contemplating so many things... 

See, last Monday I was so elated after leaving the doctor's office, knowing that my Baby Bito was alive, had a healthy heartbeat, and looked to be ready to go the long haul. Then, just 2 days later, I found myself stuck in my van, turned on it's side in a very deep ditch. And while we (Lady M, Miss Priss and myself) all escaped pretty much unscathed, a nagging fear started.

What if the baby wasn't okay?

I decided to try to alleviate my fears on my own by purchasing a fetal doppler monitor so I could just hear Baby Bito's heartbeat. I read the reviews, and out of 60+ reviews of the product, there were only 4 negative comments. I got the monitor on Monday, and listened for that quick swoosh-swoosh that indicated the baby's heartbeat. After about 10 minutes, I finally found it! I jumped up, ran to the phone and called my mom. "I can hear the heartbeat, everything's fine!!" 

Later that same day, I tried again, so Lady M could listen, but had no success. I didn't get too worried, I just figured Baby Bito had moved... but when Tuesday and Wednesday came, and I still heard nothing but my own heartbeat, my fears returned.

Out of caution, and for peace of mind, I trekked up to my OB office this morning and explained that I'd had an accident last week, and had just been worried since about Baby Bito's health. After hearing the heartbeat  and getting my FIFTH ultrasound, I relaxed. Baby Bito is still alive and well.

But now I realize...

Where was my faith?

I understand I'm human, and I'm not dead, therefore, I'm going to have my struggles. But just last week, I remember God reinforcing in me the verse I've been clinging to since the beginning of this pregnancy, Psalms 34:4.

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

So where was that assurance in the last few days? Why was I not placing my trust in the Only One who can calm my fears? I was placing my faith in a device that would allow me to hear something that I don't necessarily need to hear right now. 

Obviously, my past fertility issues have added to my uncertainties. My doctor has even said that if I need to come in every week just for assurance, she would be okay with that. As wonderful and comforting as that is to hear, why didn't I just trust God?

So even though this week's Thoughtful Thursday post isn't something that is necessarily a current event issue, or cultural issue, it's to me a very important personal issue. I'll leave you with this:

What does it take for you to lose hope in God? Have you ever been in that place where you just didn't know anymore, and didn't feel that peace from Him? What did you do? Have you ever felt you could trust God? 

For me, I've walked many rough roads. We all have, in different ways. But it seems to me that sometimes, in the smallest things, we tend to let the enemy get the best of us. We buy into those fears. 

Why? God has shown himself so faithful in all things in my life, from the big and scary to the small and petty... and so today, my prayer for every reader who happens by here is that first of all, you would place your complete trust in God. If you really don't know or understand anything that I'm talking about, then go check out this site.  But know that there is a better way to live, a way that can set you free from those little fears, even though they may rear their ugly heads sometimes, ultimately, you can have a peace that will never be matched by anything else. 

And if once you found yourself in that place where you felt you could trust God, but something made you walk away, I pray that today, you'll take some time to reflect over your life since then, and see how He is still working in your life... sometimes all it takes is a little reflection on that collision of fear with your faith to know that He didn't leave you.... He's been there all along. 


  1. Thanks for sharing your story with us, Rhonda. Last night my youth group was discussing evangelism, and they different ways people do it. I was saved through a testimony of having complete faith in God just like your story. I find myself in this position a lot. This past summer my mom's surgery went completely wrong and she was hospitalized for almost a month. I was home with the kids taking on the role of "mom" even while I attended school and worked 4 hour days. During this time, no income, except my minimum wage pay checks, were coming into the house. My father in no way has helped us since he left us. During this time, I lost my faith in God. I feared that something terrible was going to happen to my mom and that I would be stuck as the 17 year old who was in charge of a 10 and 6 year old. I was scared that we would lose the house or wouldn't be able to find the money to keep the kids fed. I let my fears get the best of me and worried about figuring things out instead of praying to my Lord, our Lord, and asking for His hand in the whole situation. Now that I look back at the tragedy, I see that God was always right there. And I like to think about the footprints in the sand story. I think that when I look back on my life while with my Lord that I will gladly tell Him that at that time he was carrying me and not walking beside me. It was at that time that there will only be one set of footprints in the sand, and they will be the footprints of our Savior.
    Again, thanks for sharing and God bless!

  2. Your post made me think about all the things I'm afraid of. You are absolutely right.

  3. I have an award waiting for you:

  4. I am thankful you could hear your sweet babies heart and you know that everything is ok now. : )

  5. So true! It is amazing what FEAR can do to a glad you and ALL the babies are o.k. :) Have a great weekend!


~~Thanks for leaving me some LOVE!!~~
If you know me IRL (in real life), please refrain from using our real names in the comments. Thank ya kindly!

Related Posts with Thumbnails Share