refreshment

i've been struggling for a while with some things in my life. i read back to my blogs around this time or so last year, and i'm longing for the closeness that i had with God then. it seems i've settled in a desert, and frankly, i don't think i've made much of an attempt to get out of it. the summer was a great time of joy for me, as i saw parts of my life flourishing as they never had. but even in that joy, there lingered a sadness, something deep and ... unknown, really. i think it's an accumulation of things that have just piled up over time, and instead of looking them in the face and dealing with them, i've just decided that being "busy" would distract me from such things. the truth of the matter is that i've dug myself into a hole, and pushed away a lot of people in the meantime. it's been necessary to sort of become "isolated" if you will, so that i could get to this point of desperation...

now i'm at the point where something HAS to give... and i feel God is drawing me back to that place of sitting at His feet and resting in Him. i know it's His desire that we remain there, but i think i started running when He started trying to peel away layers that i wasn't quite ready to deal with. now i see that it will be painful, but since He is my Healer, it will be much better on the other side of this, whatever it is. it can't be any more painful that bottling and holding on to things...

so here's to a new beginning, a something "new", if you will, in my life... i do covet prayers of anyone happening by this blog, as i am ever and always in need of them :)