Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Life in overalls...

(reposting from my facebook note)

The last few weeks have been a different sort of time for me. Very high, very low, very much a rollercoaster! My perspective on life in general has taken a turn in another direction, hopefully one that will be less clouded and cluttered. Experiences and lessons have allowed God to show me so many things that, right now, I'm doing my best to remember and apply it all.

Since I'm learning and changing, I've decided that part of my cluttered view comes back to how much I focus on "me". Now, if you know me at all, you know I've never been one to spend too much time caring about my outward appearance. I go through phases where I may take a little more time for such things, but really, I'm a low maintenance kind of girl (and no, that has nothing to do with hygiene... i'm still a very clean person... lol). But as of late, I've noticed that my opinion of myself "physically" has become much more of concern. I've gained weight this year (pregnant, not pregnant, pregnant, not pregnant...), and since I've never had a "weight problem", it's become sort of an obsession. Do I look fat in this? Do I need to change my hair because my face is fatter? How much does this cling to my "problem areas"? It's not something I've ever done too much of before...

So, since it's become such an issue, I've decided I will wear overalls. All the time. Not to sleep in, of course, but pretty much any other time. My only exception will be on Sunday mornings, to church, because I'm on stage for a little bit. I don't think it would matter if I wore overalls, but it's not my intention to offend. Wednesday nights will be in overalls. Grocery trips, in overalls. Field trips with Lady M, in overalls. To the doctor on Friday, in overalls.

My reasoning is pretty simple. First, overalls are comfortable. It's true. And I've never been one to wear things that aren't comforable. Second, overalls hide most of my problem areas. Since I can't take down all the mirrors in my house (although I'd LOVE to), at least now as I pass, I am not seeing the things that were causing such a bitterness towards myself. It's really freeing :). I think the main reason is because I have no desire to be distracted, or one who distracts people. from the important things. That may sound like a haughty or pretentious statement, like "eveyone has always envied me" or "i'm better than everyone", but that's not my intention. I myself have struggled in the last year with comparing myself to others. I found myself shopping for more clothes, more "things" that may make me look more like those who I was envying. Yep, I'm confessing. I didn't go overboard, or start using credit cards again, but I was getting distracted. Because when I see those people, looking so "put together", I was taking my focus off of God. Not only that, I was neglecting to look past their outside to the needs in their lives. I found myself thinking, " What do they need? They have it all!" But no one ever has it all, no matter how much they paint that picture for us.

I've seen the impact it makes on my girls for me to make a fuss over what I wear, or how someone else looks, and frankly, I don't want them to be a part of the mess we live in. I know they're sinful too, but if I can be an example of how to be in and not of the world, then I'm doing that much more to be a good steward of my kids.

God calls us to be set apart, and I know that doesn't mean to wear overalls all the time, but if that's what it takes for me to be able to focus more fully on Him, so that He can continue renewing my mind, I'll be more than happy to wear overalls forever. So until I see a reason to change my wardrobe or God tells me to do otherwise, I'll be wearing overalls 6 and a half days a week. I'm cleaning out my closet, so that I'm no longer distracted with the question of "what to wear? what to wear?"

Joy, blessings and love...

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