Roots...

OK God I'm listening...

I have heard at least three different messages in the last week or two about how not forgiving people can lead to a root of bitterness in your life. Man oh man, how that's true. I know because I deal with that daily. I've noticed that my thought life has turned so much more negative in the last year or so, and I couldn't figure out why. I prayed and prayed, and now God is answering.

I don't think I'm a begrudging person, I don't uaually get hurt easily, I guess because I'm not terribly emotional. As a matter of fact, I'm much less like a typical woman in that way, and much MORE like a man.

(Let me pause here to say that I am not confused about who I am, I have no desire to be "transgendered" or anything like that, I am a GIRL, through and through, just like God made me and desires for me to be, so if you happened by here wanting to relate to someone struggling with those types of issues, you're not going to find it. But read on, maybe you need to forgive someone and get rid of that root, and it'll help you out with your "orientation" issues)

Now, on to what I was saying...

I find myself in that ugly old spot of thinking judgemental thoughts, or maybe critical thoughts, but not necessarily always trying to be what I've been called to be, a light to the world, the salt of the earth, reflecting the love and mercy of my Savior. Instead, I've been standing in the corner thinking those thoughts, you know the ones, like, "what were they thinking? that is just stupid", or "who told them they were good at that?" or "where do they get off thinking they're any better than me?" . And looky there, in my thoughts, I'm doing the same thing I'm complaining about in them.

Where does it come from?

Obviously, my sin nature, my flesh, is automatically inclined to be sinful. But through salvation, God is changing me, from glory to glory. So since I've struggled and struggled, I started begging God to show me how to rid myself of this horrid thought process I've settled on. And it appears I have some issues that I never resolved with people.

But that's the hardest part...

How in the world do I go up to those people and just randomly forgive them? How can I bring up the stuff that maybe someone didn't even know they did that hurt me, and then tell them I forgive them? In my human self, it's seems humiliating and totally irrational. But then, so does a lot of stuff God has asked me to do that I've actually done. Why does this seem so much harder?

Bottom line is this: It's a matter of pride. I have to open myself up, becoming vulnerable, and go to those people, some who I've not spoken to in some time, not because I'm avoiding them on purpose, but just because I don't see them regularly. I have to say, "you know, it's been a while back, and it's not really a big deal now, but when such and such happened or was said, it hurt me. And I've not forgiven and let go of this thing, so I need to tell you now, I forgive you." Now that I've written that out, it doesn't seem quite so hard.

I got some work to do, that's for sure... pray for me, that God will be my strength and allow me to lay these things down so that my mind may be transformed and conformed to His will.